Courtship - The Final Chapter

Courtship - Misc. Thoughts

In no particular order:

1.  When we met James we explained our expectations of courtship. We did not insist on chaperones at all times,  though they were strongly encouraged (and are often included).

2.  We are not in favor of, what would be termed, "normal dating". We especially feel that being alone in isolated settings (especially at night) is a very poor idea.

3.  Hannah and James determined that holding hands, hugs, and some kisses were acceptable for them. We strongly advise holding to that commitment and have addressed issues of accountability in order to go no further in physical expressions of intimacy. (I would have preferred that there be less physical interactions than even this, but it is best the couple decide their own parameters and then we just partner with them to hold them accountable to their own decision.)  This is where it is critical to have a strong relationship with your child - we talk about everything!

4. We are very much in favor of including family and friends in any and all social settings. It is important to see each other in their interactions with their family - especially when their guard is down. You want to know who the person you may someday marry really is, not just when they are trying to impress you.

5.  Courtship should only begin when there is a reasonable expectation that it will lead to marriage - though this is not the sure and final outcome. "Dating around" only insures you know how to leave a relationship, not how to build one. It defrauds the other person with false expectations and leaves pieces of your heart with someone other than you future spouse. (Wouldn't you want to marry someone that saved all of their heart for you?)

6.  By requiring that no "couple" relationship begin without talking to the dad, then meeting with the young man to interview him and determine the seriousness of his attitude and his character, you can pretty much weed out anyone just wanting a selfish, casual relationship.  (i.e. Do you intend this relationship to culminate in marriage? - this question is asked at the first meeting)

7.  In helping the couple to build a relationship that gives testimony of Jesus as lord of their life, we offered a few suggestions and stipulations.
      a. We gifted them both with stationary to write to each other (remember James was leaving for a year in Quebec with few visits back.) While they do make free use of Skype and on-line chatting, we felt it was still vitally important to write to each other. We suggested once a week sending at least a short note to each other.
      b. We also gifted them each with a copy of the book, The Adventist Home. They are expected to read it as soon as possible - and especially discuss with each other the ideas they read in it.
      c. We provided the DVD Courtship series from SM Davis that was previously mentioned and require that they both watch it.
      d. We gave them a multi page list of questions to discuss together. It was just a list we found on-line somewhere. (I forgot to note where I got it and can't find it now!) It helps them to discuss important issues they might not think to discuss at the start of a relationship. There are no right or wrong answers. It is just to explore each other's thinking about important topics in a relationship and learn about each other's values and character, and to see if there are any big challenges in expectations.

I may do one more wrap up post on the topic. Or maybe not. We shall see.

Courtship - Real Life Part 2

 

Things may have continued to progress slowly and we could have introduced our version of courting more subtlety except for one minor hitch - James had accepted a broadcasting internship at a mission work in Quebec, Canada. He was leaving right after Christmas break. It seems he did not want to leave without first being clear about his intentions to Hannah.

Shortly before break James asked Hannah if she would be is girlfriend. Hannah liked James a lot and was all in favor of a relationship - but she did hold fast to her (tenuous) commitment to courtship and told James he had to first call her dad. James' mom, Melissa, tells about this on her blog here: A Virtuous Woman (You have to scroll down about half way to get to the part about James and Hannah.)

As Melissa mentions within a week or two we drove up to Chattanooga to meet James. We felt that if we gave the parameters to Hannah that we needed to meet anyone interested in courting her, then we had to make it possible for us to meet that person. While this isn't the way we envisioned it taking place, we were committed to doing our part. So off to TN we went. James was a delight to meet. He is quite focused on his future and loves the Lord. While courtship was new to him (and I am sure a bit odd) he was respectfully willing to follow our guidance. Hannah also told us that if we felt he was not a good choice for her, she would be willing to call a halt to any relationship. We could ask for nothing more from either of them.

Permission was given to begin a courtship.

A few more details next time....

Courtship - Real Life Part 1

Our (the parent's) version of courtship would have gone along the lines of - Guy and girl are friendly - guy decides an extra interest in girl, but does not yet express that to the girl - guy gets to know family, and especially dad - guy asks dad if he can court daughter - dad asks daughter if she is interested - if she says she is interested then guy and girl begin to get to know each other with a purpose to determine if they are right for each other for a future marriage.

The real life version was different. Be prepared for God to change things up.

The Princess and James had a college class together. James is a wonderful Christian young man, but he is clueless about courtship. Hannah has always promised she would accept no date with any young man unless they first talked to her dad. She was semi-clueless about courtship in spite of all our instruction. She knew step 1 (talk to my dad) and that is about it - but it was enough, thankfully, to get us headed in the right direction.

[In her defense, she later claimed that even though this was often a topic of conversation between us, and in other settings - it never directly related to her, so she barely paid it any heed. She is like that...]

So James began working on developing a friendship with Hannah. For several weeks Hannah was pretty oblivious and just thought he was a nice guy. Then there was the week he just showed up at her church service where she played in the orchestra. That was clue number 1 that something was different. What I liked was that because Hannah and I have a very good relationship she was calling me almost daily asking input on what she saw and how she should respond. I tend to not just tell her what she should do, but I hope I effectively guided her by helping to clear some of the fog. For instance when she mentioned he had just shown up at her church - what did that mean? I assured her that the only reason he would do so was because he was definitely interested in pursuing a relationship with her. Never having had a romantic relationship she was unsure of the signals.

At this point I felt that things were working a bit backwards from our expectations - and I encouraged Hannah to please explain courtship, and that James needed to be relating to us (the parents) at this time so we could get to know him as well - but alas, this was too much for Hannah to take on. She was too unsure of James intentions to mention her family's odd expectations. And then there is the fact that Hannah was 21 at this time, had lived in Italy for her college junior year, and was now a senior in college in TN. It is a bit of a tightrope to walk as a parent. We wanted to keep her close, not push her away.

To be Continued....

Courtship - What is That?

The Princess, and only daughter, is now in a courtship. Depending on who you ask, that can mean anything from just another word for dating, to something akin to an arranged marriage. It is an interesting topic to Google.

Here is what we did:
1.  You have to start early. This is not something you can impose on your children from the top down. They have to be on board or you only drive them away from you.

2.  As a family we watched and discussed the courtship series by SM Davis. We thought these to be the most balanced. Available Here and one chapter of the series is on You Tube as well. Courtship Video

3.  We want our children to determine their boundaries, with input from the parents. This will look different for each child and each family.

4.  The most visible courtships are the Duggar Family or the Bates family since they have a TV audience, though their parameters are not necessarily the only valid means.

This gives you a general overview of where we gleaned information. I have also looked over other teachings on the subject but they were not a good fit for our family, so I am not linking them here.

Having said all of this - how did it translate into real life? That will be my next post....

A Colette Pattern Sew-a-Long

  I am doing a couple sew a-longs these next few weeks. I want to get back to some serious sewing - and document it as I go. This is the Mable skirt from Colette. I prefer a more modest version - but I like the idea of a knit skirt - so I will give it a try. Mine will be View 3 in a simple black knit fabric.   

UFO Contest from Pattern Review

July 1st begins the Pattern Review UFO contest.  Un-Finished Objects! I have been waiting for 2 years for this one ~ they didn't have it last year. I don't purposefully leave projects unfinished ~ I think I just get stuck on something, or it gets tedious, or I get tired of it ~ but I do have a pile of them. For the first time I am going to try to win this contest! I have enough projects to finish to get the points, and I am motivated to finish these projects. It runs the full month of July.

PR Handbag Contest

I completed a purse entry for the Pattern Review contest. You can read my full review Here. And you can see all my photos Here. 

I went a bit out of my comfort zone by using some leather accents. I had never sewn leather before - but it was quite easy. I do wish I remembered to increase my stitch length on the top stitching - but it is a minor detail and most would never notice it. I think this is only the third bag I have ever made - if you include the messenger bag I did several years ago. I find I quite enjoy making my own - and plan to do many more. Here is my first purse project: Piney Patch Design Purse ~ and the finished review .

It is SWAP time again. I have been less than successful on my former attempts in past years, but hope rises yet again - and desperation. I have almost no clothes that fit since I have lost a significant amount of weight over the last year or so. So I will once again join the SWAP contest for 2013. All the info can be found on the Artisan's Square discussion board at the Stitcher's Guild website. I have the first skirt cut and ready to begin sewing. All fabric and patterns are here with one exception - the undetermined piece. The deadline is April 30, 2013.

My theme is titled ~ Dark Side of the Moon

The general plan is as follows:

Capsule 1 ~ The Dark Side
Black skirt (in progress) ~ DONE
Black jumper (made, but needs to be refitted)
Blue print top
Tan dot top
Purchased top (have this already) ~ DONE

Capsule 2 ~ The Bright Side
Red print skirt
White top 1
White top 2
One item yet undetermined (perhaps 2)

Bridging Piece
Either a black jacket or cardigan

Pyramid Giveaway for Sewists

Pattern lovers alert!!

There is a fun giveaway at this site: My Happy Sewing Place  It is a pyramid giveaway - you receive a selection of patterns - keep one - and then have your own giveaway. A total win/win. So hop on over by clicking the link for My Happy Sewing Place (it should be highlighted just above) and write a comment to enter. If I win - then I will do the same here!

Regency Gown - fitting the muslin

The next step in the construction process is to fit the bodice. The Princess used pink thread to trace with basting all the stitching lines. Below is one of the sleeves with the stitching lines basted on.

This next picture below shows a closeup of how the basting lines run to the edge. Do not turn corners.

After The Princess basted in all the stitching lines, I used dark thread to baste the bodice together. It is important to remember to use the stitching line. So the dark thread is being sewn over the pink. Here is most of the bodice put together. The sleeves aren't on just yet, and the corners are clipped for fitting ease.

You can see a few of my notations. So far there are a few minor adjustments. The neckline hits perfectly, but the bottom is a smidge to high - so we will be adding 1/2" to the bottom edge to lengthen it. That is an easy fix. The armholes aren't quite right, so before I add the sleeve in, I will be dropping the bottom of the armhole about 1/2" as well. Hopefully that will fix the problem of tightness there. We also discovered that the proper underpinnings will definitely be needed. So now I am off to order those. Here is a link. Regency Underthings. And since I was ordering an item anyway ~ why not order two? So I added the jacket to complete the ensemble. Regency Spencer/Pelisse

Regency Gown Begun...

The Princess and I are sharing a sewing project - the Regency Gown from Sense and Sensibility.  

 The pattern contains multiple sizes, so the first step is to trace off the size closest to The Princess. I traced off size 14. I only traced out the bodice so far as that is the part that will have to be carefully fit to The Princess. The skirt doesn't matter at this point. The pattern is printed on very sturdy paper with nice dark lines for tracing. I just used some leftover tissue paper.

There are a number of things going on in the above photo. After I traced the printed cutting lines for size 14 onto the tissue paper and cut out that traced piece, I used my little adjustable ruler to write in the actual stitching lines. That is the dotted line penciled in exactly 5/8" from the cutting line. I then pinned the tissue to some icky practice fabric that is about the same weight as our actual fashion fabric. This will be our fitting "muslin" - some call it a toile. After pinning the pattern piece to the muslin, it is then cut out with very generous margins as you see above.

The red background you see is not a table - it is a large piece of waxed carbon tracing paper. This is where the magic begins. (This particular carbon paper can only be sourced from Richard the Thread) Before removing the white traced paper, carefully use a tracing wheel to mark all the *stitching lines*. Not the cutting lines - the stitching lines only. Also mark all notches and grain lines - and any other pertinent marks needed. Now remove the white paper and flip the pattern piece over and trace the stitching lines on the reverse side so that both pieces are now marked with stitching lines and other important fitting notations.

The Princess will take over for the next step - - - more to come.

ATI 2009 Choir - A Flute Playing Princess

The Princess is one of the two flute payers at this 2009 Nashville homeschool conference. She is the flutist on the left - her hair in a bun and NO headband. I can watch it over and over!

This morning I had someone request to add a comment here for my entry called "Why I Like ATI and Wisdom Books".
It won't be posted.
For several reasons.

1. It was anonymous and only referenced a website. If you can't say who you are and you can't write what you think - well, that is just not my style, and it won't be on my blog.

2. It is possible they only wanted to "warn" me and get my attention. I know all about the site and the issues involved. I am sorry that there are people who suffer parental abuse - the Lord has warned that he will exact a horrendous punishment to be one of those people that harm a child - but Wisdom Books and ATI don't harm children - people do. And those people would be messed up no matter what curriculum choices they make. As I testified - ATI saved our family - it didn't tear it apart. So should I blame the curricula I had been using for the 10 years before we found ATI as being harmful? Definitely not - it was my own lack of biblical knowledge that was the problem.

3. This is my blog and reflects what I have lived. I won't pass on information I don't believe in.

In conclusion:
I do encourage any individual to do a lot of research before using any school program. I did. You will find positives and negatives for all methods. I would also tell them to cry out to God to find the path that he wants them to follow. And last, I would remind parents that no program can give them a desired "result". To follow a program is to ensure danger and heartache - use the program as a tool the way that God wants you to use it for your individual family. Above all teach Jesus and the Word.

Women or Faith

In October I got to go to the Women of Faith conference in Tampa - along with a long time friend from my college days. I was blessed to be given free event tickets for me and a friend - that would be Diana with me. The stipulation was I had to blog about it. That was in October and I know I should have written the entry then - but I had a bit of trouble processing the event - and truthfully - I still am. But I do not want to go into the New Year with this obligation still weighing me down. Yes, I could have come back and said - "Great time - you should go", but that would not have been fully honest or transparent.

The transparent answer is, I have never been to an event like that. At first I was very uncomfortable. Diana couldn't come until after the first afternoon sessions were over. I was in a large crowd in a big city. It took me awhile to settle down and "Let God." But when I began "Letting God minister to me", it was not the usual expected way.

Diana was wonderful and I so enjoyed getting to spend time with an old friend. There is something to be said for someone who has known you a long time. Even with big gaps in our communicating with each other as we were in separate cities and busy with families - it was just like falling back into the same place we had left off. I was so blessed by that.

Then there was the speakers. I am not sure this will make sense, but they were so different than my expectation - and so transparent. I suddenly knew what has been missing for so long at these types of conferences - - "Realness!" While I did not necessarily agree with all that was said, nor all the music played, I was truly blessed and ministered to. I am afraid I am not such a good writer to be able to express in words what my spirit felt. I only know it has stuck with me and made me different than I was before.

So let me sum it up - Great time - you should go!

"180" An Award-winning Documentary

What changed their minds....
...in seconds?

You can view it by clicking on this link.

Book Review ~ The Help

I just finished reading The Help. I thought it was a wonderful book with a compelling story.

Things I liked:
*The plot.
*The historical significance of the subject matter.
*The way real-life happenings of the time were woven into the fiction.
*The principle characters were full and interesting.
*There was not a "perfect" wrap up (just like life). I want to know if Minny had twins!
*The book-within-the-book style of writing. I loved that.

Things I didn't care for so much:
*Most of the secondary characters were a bit wooden and flat. There was no reason to even include Stuart except to bring a tie in with a powerful political figure. I felt it was clumsily done.
*This book needed about 300 more pages to really make the characters shine.
*While overall the author showed skill in believably diving the plot, there were still some places I had trouble making the leap in plot development. I am still not 100% sure that these domestics would open up to a young, aristocratic, white girl.
*A lot of it was predictable.
*I felt that it was written more in a manor to make it a sell-able movie as opposed to "literature".

None of my "dislikes" were enough to ruin my enjoyment of the book. And several of my "likes" made it amazing. An excellent book of significant value to understanding others.

Women of Faith - 2011 Tampa

I'll be there! October 14 and 15. I am looking for a blessing ~ growth ~ and opportunities to serve. Are you going?

A Summer Dress - Completed

I did a full review at Pattern Review.
(and eventually it shows up at my Pattern Review sidebar.)
One side note to follow up from Part 1 - since the bodice of this dress is fully lined, I did not do any seam finishes for the bodice seams in either the main fabric or the lining fabric as they are completely enclosed.

HP 2001 Mr. H.P. Straight-Talking Straight Leg Jeans - HotPatterns

HP 2001 Mr. H.P. Straight-Talking Straight Leg Jeans - HotPatterns
This is exciting news! There are hardly any men's patterns to be found that have any real style to them - make that - hardly any men's pattens even without style. I hope that with the trend back to more home sewing this line will sell well. I pre-ordered my men's jeans pattern. And I requested that they take the gradng down to a size 32 - I hope they will be able to do so. Sure I can take them in, but it is easier to start with the correct size and all the proportions and pockets will fit correctly. If all goes well, they are expecting to ship by September 1, and sometme this fall I can have a pair up here to show you.